#223. Over but not the end

I am finally done with all papers and now i can do whatever i want without guilt bugging me every 5 seconds. Even sleeping was felt like a waste of time. It was crazy i tell you. All exams are. It is one thing i will never adapt to. I would rate the overall as meh meh but the most stupid thing happened during my endo paper where i omitted a whole page of questions because i didnt know there was anything at the back page! When i knew it, it was already too late! TOO LATE! ='(((

Now, i need to live with the biggest regret of my life. I almost cried on the spot but then i had MCQ next so i tried to control my emotions! I was constantly swallowing a mix of tears, blood and bile at each questions while constantly tell myself it is ok but you know what IT IS NOT FUCKING OK! At that point, i literally hated myself; HATED! The worst part is i didnt even get the chance to attempt. If i tried doing it and got it wrong then i would felt as bad because AT LEAST I TRIED! But no.. I failed myself. Plus i had another paper the next day and so the revision after that was screwed up too because i couldn't focus at all. No words can fully described how i felt or feel when i am typing this. 

It felt like every organ in my body was
rejecting itself and every part of me 

was dying, rotting inside out. 

I wanted to scream but i had no voice. 

I was in pain, agony and full of remorse. 

I was breathing but i felt like i was suffocating, hyperventilating for more air. 

I was battling with myself. 

Save me.

Retail therapy; the tranquillizer.