#110

Competition. 

I dont like competition.

It makes me nervous.

It gives me butterflies in my stomach.

I will feel sick.

I feel nauseous.

Always.

That was what happened last Thursday.

I never expect myself to break down.

Urgh so embarrassing.

I dont want to drag the team down. I dont like the thought of me being the cause.

(This is another reason why i dont like competition. I know i'm not good and i dont want to disappoint my teammates)

On the day before, 100% percent of all the balls i served didnt go through the net. 

I was miserable.

And so..yup, i was reminded of what happened while i was about to serve.

The thought of failing my teammates, first, stirred guilt and then followed by emotional breakdown.

This is the reason why i want to be reserve, whenever possible.

I know my teammates dont think it that way.

I know i dont feel it that way too if my teammates happened to be like me.

Still, eventhough knowing that, i cannot not feel bad. I couldnt help it.

The game is on this coming wednesday.

Please bless my fragile soul.

And of course, my arms and my team.