#227. Swallow it down

I have so much to rant but i am out of words. I am not good with words and thus the difficulty to express. Even if all the words were to be laid out in front of me, I am still incapable of constructing the proper sentence.

#226. Love is a special thing

#225. Life is very complicated even you dont want it to be

Friends; they are everywhere. True friends; there are a few. 

But.. What does being in a friendship mean actually? How is someone regarded as a 'good' friend? Based on what values, what scale? Are you being a good friend to me? And have i been a good friend to you? 

Well, I think i do? Come to thinking of it, I try my best to motivate and be supportive (whether it works or not that is another question). Basically, I was there for you. I know you do too and you have no idea how thankful i am, more than glad. It is always good to know that there's someone out there when you're in times of troubles. Thank you for being there for me :)

But sometimes when i am sitting alone, staring at the ceiling, i cannot help but pounder about everything. Am i appreciated, same goes to my honesty? Truth or lie? Is this the whole story? Am i regarded as the 'bad person'? Unjust; you or I? Mind games everywhere; am i just a phase? 

On the contrary, who am i to tell you your faults? Who am i to rate your doings right or wrong? Who am i to express my thoughts on you? There are two sides to every coin, how could i decide anything based on one side of the story? And with all these, am i still being a 'good' friend? Complicated much.

There are too many questions in life to be answered but not all would be answered or maybe there is no answer to any of these. But no matter what our differences and issues are, at the end of the day we have each others back.

Do you guys still remember what we have or used to have? You all mean something to me and i love you guys ♥

Honestly, all i want is everyone to be happy...

but am i?

#224. LEAVE! GO! DITCH!

Growing Up & Out: Dealing with Changing Social Circles

Written by Sarah - Southeastern Louisiana University

Growing up, we all grew out of clothes and shoes so quickly that we probably did not get to wear all of the cute stuff our parents got us when we were newborns. That favorite pair of sandals you had in the 5th grade were exposed to the world only twice before your feet grew another size and a half.

We also grew out of ideas as we aged – maybe you remember the day you realized that your mom was a real live person and not just a mom. I surely remember it!

Well, like we grow out of clothes, sometimes we grow out of people, too. That may sound like a bad thing to say, but it’s true. In middle school you may have grown out of the group of friends you had been with since preschool. After high school, you may have grown out of your friends from home and moved on to friends that you met at college. It’s perfectly natural as we get older… promise!

At this point in my college career, my friends have shifted from the people I met my first semester to the people in my classes. For the last 2 years, I have had the same group of people in class, so we were bound to become friends at some point. It’s a different type of friend circle, too – it’s less “Hey, let’s hang and watch trash TV” and more “Let’s go to lunch and talk about life and stuff”. So weird, but I like it.

Your friends may not “get” it, your family might not understand why you haven’t talked about so-and-so in a while, but rest assured that your itch for a change is not nutty. At a certain point in your life, you may want to surround yourself with people who are moving forward in the same direction as you. Doing something, if you will.

That phrase, “You are what you eat.” is similar to “You are who you surround yourself with.” If you eat nothing but junk food and candy, your body will not be very happy. If you surround yourself with people who are not supporting you in doing what you want to do or being who you want to be, deep down, you will not be happy.

If you never study for a test in a subject you are not the best in, you won’t get the results you want. But if you put in time and effort to study, you’re more likely to make a grade you’re happy with. Right? Similarly, if you don’t work to surround yourself with people that will help you and believe in you, it can be difficult to grow as a person.

Overall, life is so much easier (and more enjoyable) when you are surrounded by the people who don’t weigh you down, and who inspire you to be the best person you can. So, while your lifelong friends may be awesome, if they aren’t helping you towards being the absolute best person you can be, it may be time to re-think your surroundings.

And if all else fails, remember what our girl LC said on The Hills, “… at this point I would so much rather have, like, a few good friends than a lot of fake friends.” Preach.

Source: [collegefashion]
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I agree completely.

To those who are in the midst of dilemma, whether to leave or not to leave, to go or not to go, to ditch or not to ditch. Let me tell you this, LEAVE! GO! DITCH!

It hurts, i know. But i rather it be a one time thing rather than something i have to experience time to time which is what i am going through at the moment.

To quote the article, "... life is so much easier (and more enjoyable) when you are surrounded by the people who don’t weigh you down, and who inspire you to be the best person you can"

So dont you bring me down. I aint going down!

#223. Over but not the end

I am finally done with all papers and now i can do whatever i want without guilt bugging me every 5 seconds. Even sleeping was felt like a waste of time. It was crazy i tell you. All exams are. It is one thing i will never adapt to. I would rate the overall as meh meh but the most stupid thing happened during my endo paper where i omitted a whole page of questions because i didnt know there was anything at the back page! When i knew it, it was already too late! TOO LATE! ='(((

Now, i need to live with the biggest regret of my life. I almost cried on the spot but then i had MCQ next so i tried to control my emotions! I was constantly swallowing a mix of tears, blood and bile at each questions while constantly tell myself it is ok but you know what IT IS NOT FUCKING OK! At that point, i literally hated myself; HATED! The worst part is i didnt even get the chance to attempt. If i tried doing it and got it wrong then i would felt as bad because AT LEAST I TRIED! But no.. I failed myself. Plus i had another paper the next day and so the revision after that was screwed up too because i couldn't focus at all. No words can fully described how i felt or feel when i am typing this. 

It felt like every organ in my body was
rejecting itself and every part of me 

was dying, rotting inside out. 

I wanted to scream but i had no voice. 

I was in pain, agony and full of remorse. 

I was breathing but i felt like i was suffocating, hyperventilating for more air. 

I was battling with myself. 

Save me.

Retail therapy; the tranquillizer.

#222. "A true friend stabs you in the front."- Oscar Wilde

#221. Friends; what happen when they didnt treat you the same as how you treated them

Solution: Detach...

#220. I do forgive and forget

icanread.tumblr.com

#219. OMGAWDDDD

I AM SO EXCITED! I CANT WAIT TO WATCH THIS!!!  =DDD

GOOSEBUMPSSS!!! =O

I am so pumped up whenever i watch this! Lol

Never get bored of watching hunks with guns in action ;D

Yeahhh babehhh

#218. Fucktardmaggot

PROFESSIONALISM MY ASS SHIT!!!! Please use your fucktard brain before you speak. You know nothing so don't go around accusing us in public. We put our heart and soul into everything and you have no right saying all those mindless crap you said. Facts are facts you stupid midget. We copy no shit. Someone should punch your hard on the face and slap you so hard till your ears bleed. Stupid maggot fuck should be suspended and I bet no one will feel sorry for you. Go screw yourself! I think you are good at that!!!